There’s a scene in the Revenge of The Nerds movie where a Takashi, the Japanese exchange student (a.k.a. the Japanese Nerd) asks an amused John Goodman if he can get out early from his work. Poor Taka has been working as a locker assistant for the same moronic College jocks who are directly responsible that he is currently without a place to sleep, and he wants to get out early to resume his search for an apartment.

Of course, this poor guy also has to put up with the humilliations that the jocks impose on him, like placing a sweaty jockstrap over his nose while his hands are full of a bunch of the damn things. Well, you can imagine Takashi, standing there with a an armload of recently worn jockstraps and a wistful look in his eyes, eagerly waiting for the coach’s answer. Meanwhile, there’s a sadistic glee painted on John Goodman’s features; he’s certainly enjoying himself at the moment.

After a moment that seems to last an eternity, the coach finally makes his pronouncement: A rather subdued but soul-crushing NO!!!

All this so you can have a good idea what’s life like in my home country.

Today, I had to visit Caucagua so I could print a couple of important forms relevant to my trip to Curacao. It was  Ia very simple errand; just download the PDF files and print them out, but I admit that I was standing with certain trepidation in front of the cybercafé where I intended to perform this task, knowing beforehand what would happen next: A) The Internet would be down B) the cybercafé’s printer would be on the fritz or C) the locale’s printing protocol wouldn’t work with PDF files…( believe it or not, this has happaned to me several times).

And this mental picture of John Goodman uttering his resounding NO! came back to me again and again, refusing to leave me in peace. No wonder, since my home country is the sort of place that constantly forces a guy to live in total denial of the simplest things in life (and Murphy’s Law has certainly been jacked up until it reaches eleven).  I swallowed a steely ball of saliva and opened the front door.

The guy in charge of this place is a rather pleasant fellow. I asked if the Internet access was working well.

He fixed a unwavering, ice-cold stare on me… OMG! Here it comes!

The man opens his mouth after a moment that seems to last an eternity:


Well, that’s not exactly what he said but it comes to that in the end. Internet access is dead all over the town. I best take the bus and ride 50 miles to the nearest city to try my luck.

Isn’t it comforting to live in a place where uncertainty about an answer has been so absolutely obliterated?

Edwin Stark

Signing Off

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