Why I Won’t Migrate

This is the sort of post that I can only write while fuming in anger and it’s best that  jot it down before I stop being pissed off. During the past ten days, some very stupid people have been posing even more stupid questions as: “If things are so bad in your country, why don’t you move?” and even stupider comments like “You’d be happier elsewhere” and “Other people do it… why don’t you migrate?”

Well, I’ve got several answers (pretty mean ones) and I’ll publish them here because it’s impossible to make this morons understand these without consistently softening their skulls with a leaden baseball bat. Besides, if they even try to rebuke my reasons in this blog at the bottom of the Comments section, I can vaporize their moronic arguments with the click of a mouse.

Okay, first question: Why don’t I move? It’s self-explanatory when you look at my current résumé. Here’s my main reason on why I won’t migrate:

 

Edwin Stark

Born in Venezuela, 1967

Studied Elementary School at Immaculate Mary School, Caracas.

Studied High School at St. Augustine School El Marques, Caracas

Speaks: Spanish & English.

 

Well, that’s about it. Five (count’em!), five lines long. By The Way…  How many pages long is yours?

So this leads to a snappy reply to the comment and the second question. All this résumé thinghy qualifies me for… what? Surely not as a bank manager (if you think that’s possible, feel free to copy it on napkins and start spreading them around; maybe I could find a job as a brilliant neurosurgeon in your nearest hospital). So, let’s smell the coffee and return to reality. Maybe a job as a dishwasher? More likely. As a valet parking attendant? Nope. (Trust me on this; you don’t really want to see me driving your car in the parking lot of your favorite restaurant). Not that I would land a job in this exciting work areas easily; I suspect the competition with seventeen-year old Korean kids would be rather brutal. A job asking: ‘Do you want fries with that?’ I believe you guys (wherever you are in the world) already have an extreme surplus of local kids who didn’t manage to get into college for that….

And considering I’d start elsewhere completely penniless (which, as I’m nearing my fifties, would be a total disaster)…

Please be honest…

Is that what you really want that for me?

Sure, I can be happy elsewhere.

Edwin Stark

Signing Off

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