I’m in dire need of female companionship. It has started to affect the way I write; my usual daily output was about 10,000 words… now it’s only 1,000 words (and I end up deleting nearly 85% of them in fits of anger, leaving me with only 150-200 words each day). Considering my previous output, this is practically a screeching halt.
I’m displeased, irritated, fretting and feeling like I’m about to climb up a wall.
I’m a caged tiger.
Problem is, Venezuelan women are vapid and featherbrained, basically as dumb as bricks. Not their fault, really; the macho society prevalent down here molds them that way. And I have a strong suspicion that the local females in the area where I live are just shaven gorillas (hold on the line; a bunch of gorillas just wrote me an e-mail, telling they’re very offended by this last comment).
All I need is someone pleasant enough to look at and smart enough to talk with; I’m not after a knockout beauty… but brains are very important to me. However, human females aren’t prone to drop by the jungle (any jungle) no matter how adventurous they might be feeling. So… what else is for me?
Meeting females online. Plenty of fish out there, they tell me.
So, I reached a new level of emotional low this weekend. I was feeling miserable, until I stumbled upon this woman as I played a popular online game (name of the game withheld to protect the innocents, of course). I was friend with this person for a long time, occasionally joining together to kill varied kinds of monsters and chatting through a tiny text window. Heck, knowing computer gaming demographics I thought she was a he.
She was very upset when I called her “dude” online, so this gives her/him/it the benefit of the doubt (even though I still believe she is actually a Fat Guy from Peterson, NJ ™). Of course, I apologized, and she/he/it recovered her normal mood. In fact, she (I’ll stick to ‘she’ from now on) became rather chatty. She even started to flirt with me.
Well, I didn’t mind. I’m starved for the attention of a single female, even if it was a potentially bogus single female from a far distant land. What else is a lonely guy in the jungle to do? Hell, I felt flattered.
Things grew very intimate between us during the last weekend. She kept doing all these saucy comments through the text messages she sent me… I tried my best to respond to them, without sounding excessively noncommittal. She even wanted to prove me she wasn’t a guy, so she asked (in a very oblique way) for my e-mail address, so she could send me some videos about herself to prove she was real.
I shrugged. I gave her my e-mail, not expecting much. Nothing to be lost, right? Hey, an online girlfriend who is also an avid gaming fan is quite an asset, wouldn’t you know it? Someone able to understand one of my nerdy passions. But I braced myself for the results I was knew would come my way. I’ve become rather inured and cautious with this sort of online encounters.
Of course, this small exchange did a lot to improve my writing. It was steadily climbing both in quantity and quality; the first day I wrote a thousand words and the next one nearly three thousands. The effect of her flirting did wonders to my mood.
No videos, no pictures, no evidence whatsoever that she was real.
She was just teasing me. Big surprise… (as if I didn’t know)
I’ve met with her twice online, still playing the game with her, but I didn’t mention my disappointment. Today, she was rather detached, so I proceeded to delete her from the friend list that the game keeps for me.
And I deleted the 5,000 words progress that I had achieved under her influence.
I want nothing that might even remind me of this experience.
I’m back at square one. No, allow me to correct that; I’m even worse than in square one.
When I was in square one, I was able to write 200 words a day.
Now the daly number output has become ZERO.
Some cautiousness, indeed.