Moving out of the jungle…

(Disclaimer: The Following Post contains 100 % vitriolic, unadulterated sarcasm… you may want to skip it until this blog goes back to its normal service… )

People ask me constantly why I don’t move out of the jungle if things are that bad down here. Sounds so nice, doesn’t it? Moving out of the jungle… Sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

Inevitably, this is my answer to those people who made it: “Sure, buddy… got a million bucks to spare?” This reply is always met with annoyed silences and I rarely hear of these persons afterwards, as if I had offended them… when in reality they were the offenders.

Because it’s true: a small 15 by 27 feet apartment in a more centric area is worth one million dollars in local currency. And it’s located in a neighborhood whose inhabitants usually spend more time at the morgue reclaiming the dead body of a loved one than having a life of their own. In other words, as my favorite sentence in purple prose so charmingly states: “The air in this place is sweating bullets”.

If you’re wondering, I went this week to have a look-see at one of such places. The salesman was striving to be heard above the dozen gunshots I heard during the ten to fifteen minutes I spent looking this apartment. Charming place, I tell you.

And now, for the economics… If I were to sell everything I own, including the house in the jungle where I currently live, I’d hardly be able to raise ten thousand bucks. From where am I supposed to get the rest?

From a bank, you say? Well, with only a net worth of ten thousand dollars in collateral and absolutely no credit record, I will surely get a nice loan for one million dollars at the nearest bank. Why don’t you go and ask your banker? He really must be a swell guy… I’d love to meet him… And By The Way… the current APR for a personal loan in my home country is somewhere in the neighborhood of 36 % (quite reasonable with an annual inflation nearing 80%, don’t you think?)

And there will always be the idiot that tells me that I should try to sell more books to finally find my way out of the rainforest. Well, sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? Let’s do the math…

One million dollars at 22 cents a pop would make about 4,545,455 copies sold… I sell about one a month… well I guess I’ll be able to make a down payment sometime by the year 37,800 A.D.

Fair enuff…

Edwin Stark

Signing Off

 

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