I recently took the decision to stop following and participating in several Amazon threads. Why? Because I feel completely out of place. Everyone who posts there is advancing in their writing careers while I’m just limping along, like if I were some crippled member of the herd. Well, screw that… I’m leaving….
Every one, every day is posting updates on the great reviews they’re getting for their books… while I just get two or three reviews each year or so. This makes me feel completely inadequate and powerles… Sayonara threads, then.
Every one is posting what they did on Thanksgiving and Christmas… what they did with their sons and daughters during the weekend… while I look around I only see my bare, empty and cold house that’s missing all the love these people are enjoying so openly. It’s too much for a guy who still single at 47 to take… For a guy who, due to terrible circumstances in his life, never had a chance of having a girlfriend… this creates horrible feelings of despair and loneliness…
And the last drop was when someone (whom I’ll just call Mr. T) posted that he had so and so sales on Smashwords or Amazon or Barnes and Noble. That floored me, making me feel a sharp stab in my guts and it plunged me into a deep depression. It goes without saying that I only sell a couple e-books each month… most of them when I dropped their prices to just 99 cents. It’s enough to make one guy feel not wanted at all… as if my work wasn’t good enough to pay $2.99 for.
And the other reason are a couple of individuals who resurfaced on the threads I frequented. Curiously, the two of them are hard-as-nail women, who had managed somehow to overcome the hardships in life… and who believe that anyone who complains are just whiners that don’t want to improve their station in life. I can’t deal with these narrow-minded people. They’re missing the hub of the whole question, which is marvelously condensed in something I read the other day: “It’s hard to start when there’s nothing from where to start from.” I don’t recall in which book I read it… but it describes my position quite well. Living in the jungle is like that… And the funny thing is, that these two women would just keel over and start bawling like babies if they were forced to live in the conditions I currently live in. Well, let them have their way… I’m splitting that particular scene.
The best solution? I’ll stop visiting these threads. Going through all those posts is just a reminder of everything I lack in my life. The pain will be lesser… I’m gonna miss a few of the people I met there, though.
But I suspect they won’t be missing me at all…