Life in The Jungle:Living Life at 13.4 Kpbs

Edwin StarkIf you’re reading this and you’re still connected to the Web, do me a favor: Go to your PC’s Internet settings) or Network Management for some) and read the speed with which your computer connects right now. It’s OK if you’re a techno-weeny; if you’re still using a Dial-Up Internet Service Provider (ISP), you’re connecting in the 50-56 Kpbs (KiloBits per Second) range. Or maybe it’s probable that you are using a Cable ISP, which will net you a connection speed of 128 Kpbs at the ASDL lower range or, depending of the ISP and the data plan you subscribe to, in the 256 / 512 Kpbs (256,000/512,000)… or maybe even one Megabit per Second speed. You got it? Nice.

Now, why this? I want you to know how bad I’m having it down here. As many of you know, I live in a tropical rainforest. There are absolutely no options to connect from here to there (like that old joke about how easily it’s to “go from point A to point B,  but you can´t get there from here). Being the sort of sneaky guy I am, I managed to eke out a connection solution… but it only works at 13.4 KPBS. (13400) That’s the speed at which a high end modem connected… in 1993. So, as you can see, time travel is possible. Even people with lowly Dial-Up connections have 4X times the speed I’m subjected to.

OK, you may say… So what? You’re still able to connect, don’t you? I came prepared for this asinine comeback. Here are my clocked times it takes me to achieve the following online activities:

Logging into Facebook……..                                       6 min.

Check my e-mails …………                                          7 min.

Get Farmville up and running…                                 40 mins

Checking any sales reports in KDP                            15 mins

(Aunt Ammy particularly chokes with this).

Downloading an average picture                               25 mins

Downloading a small 50 Mb File                               6 days, 17 hrs

Updating Windows (3 Mb File)                                    8 hrs

(their servers drop down my connex speed to 3 Kpbs)

Well, here’s some homework for you guys and guyettes….


Just to be fair…. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU ?

Just some food for thought to hand out the few maniacs that still seem to think I have something to be grateful about…


Edwin Stark
Signing off.

Categories: Uncategorized | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Life in The Jungle:Living Life at 13.4 Kpbs

  1. Edwin, I hope Einstein turns over in his grave and helps you out.
    I’ve been called a lot of things, but I hope not a maniac. Unless you’re from Maine, that’s not a good thing!
    Keep the faith and hang in there. Your writing deserves it and you have a really nice website.

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