Last time we discussed the local fauna here, I forgot to include in my report a few the small, charming creatures with which I have to share my dwelling. These are a species of gecko lizards that like to crawl around and into every nook and cranny of my house. Initially, when I first moved in, they were particularly absent. This may be due to the constant manpower coming in and out from the house while it was being expanded (quite shabbily, I must say) and remodeled to its current state, but it’s my personal guess that the damn things were just calmly executing the first stages of their masterful plan to take over the place.
But after a couple of years of living here in the jungle, I slowly began to see traces of their presence around the house. Like a sudden squirreling movement caught out the corner of my eyes. Among other things. Particularly big droppings laying in strategic points (i.e. spots I’m more likely to step on; this is like cohabitating with a flock of wingless pigeons, OMG!) and suddenly noises that go bump behind every single picture frame I own and that I hung all over my home’s walls. They must be thinking that I’m just a silly human, kindly providing them with convenient hiding spots.
Also, they are garrulously territorial and I have a trio of them fighting out their squatting rights behind my fridge. Most probably they’re duking out who will get the rights over the contents of my ice box. They like to do this particularly a little after midnight. Man! Now I know what H.P. Lovecraft was hinting about when he wrote Rats in the walls.
I’m all about Nature’s balance (I know they eat their share of bugs that could pester me), but the way they’re taking over the place, making me feel I’m their tenant and not the other way around, has gone a little too far. For instance, the other night I popped a movie into the DVD player (the only available sort of entertaining here besides putting
together jigsaw picture puzzles) and was deep into the tale of Frodo’s travel to Mordor when a plopping sound could be heard coming from my waist. A white sticky substance was falling on me from the roof; one of the darned things, comfortably perched on one of the beams above, was daring to defecate on me!
As the saying goes, this was too much…
I started waging war on them by trying to capture a few of the critters and relocate them away from home, but I found out they know their way back: there is one that it’s missing one of its forepaws, and it’s quite hard to mistake its identity when I managed to put that one inside a box and carry it to another house, located three miles away from mine. Two days later, the damn lizard was back into its familiar haunts, cavorting and fighting behind my hung pictures.
My next step will be trying to figure out a way to place rat traps behind the picture frames and see what happens. If that doesn’t work, I’ll perhaps try with antipersonnel landmines next… If all fails’ there’s always nukes.
Stay tuned… this may get ugly.
Edwin Stark, author of Eco Station One